52 Week Project Discussion Thread

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:38 pm

Just finished watching Jumper???

Lol.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Oddric » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:01 pm

Oh.

I saw that (some of it) movie a while ago. It was honestly the furthest thought from my mind.

Edit: Now that I wiki'd the plot, I'm happy that nothing was really copied as far as teleporting goes. David as to see the area to be able to teleport there. And I gave explanation as to bringing other things along with him whenever he uses his 'power'.

Yay.
Last edited by Oddric on Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:02 pm

Reál Midas wrote:Just finished watching Jumper???

Lol.


Oi. What's all this?
When did it suddenly seem like a good idea to start trying to call people out on "copying ideas"?

Was that before or after you explicitly copied something else you read and told us about it?

Be mature, man. Come on. I expect more out of you.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Oddric » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:15 pm

<3

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:21 pm

No no no, my sincerest apologies. I read the book Jumper as well as watching the movie and I laughed because your writing reminded me of the book and I thought it was ironic because I liked the book greatly. My bad if it was misinterpreted.

but on another note I really did like the writing you did and the ending had a good touch to it. I especially liked the line at the very end,
A bright fire burned in the distance. And as far as David was concerned, the flames were fueled by his own selfishness.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Knyves » Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:39 am

Oddy, you sir, make pretty words!

I like the concept of his guilt about it all, much cooler than him just porting whole thing to the ground. Nobody likes a hero!
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Oddric » Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:28 pm

Tanks, tanks.

It's okay if everyone else feels inferior to me due to my writing.

It's like going after the best presenter when giving a speech. ;3

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:38 pm

All right, sorry for the lack of feedback, have hardly had two minutes to rub together.

Week 7

Oddy: Nice, very tense, good action pacing.

Week 8

Seb: So far, my favorite work of yours. A bit repetitive in some of the wording, but it still worked. Not really one sentence out of place, had a good tone, very self-contained. Good work.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:25 am

Tsu: It was definately a good job conveying the sci-fi genre, something I'm a huge fan of so I'm naturally biased to like it. I got a good feel for the character, depicting a daring space pirate/smuggler and I almost felt like she was a female version of a Han Solo. Not your best piece, but very good. I liked it.

Sorry for the long delay all. Been sick all week with flu/cold and soccer tryouts everyday after school so I'm completely wiped out.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Sawtooth » Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:18 am

I've been wanting to participate lately as some of us know, and I rarely got any critique in my entire history on NC. Them's damning and stagnant conditions, so true feedback, gentle or generous, scolding or scathing, is, and will be, appreciated from anyone for any of my submissions to this starting now.

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:44 am

Hmmmm...

Xatu: I'm not really sure what to make of it. Some of the analogies were good and some not so good. You had some times where you had some good literary devices thrown in there and others just seemed excessive, almost like you had them and said "Looky here! personification!" I'm kind of on the fence about this. I'm reluctant to say I like it, (possibly due to my bias against first person). Thats my opinion on it.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Sawtooth » Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:24 am

I agree, I like to overdo things. Everything considered, it is a big strain to write 1000 words about the theme I used, but excuses aside I still felt I could have done much better, and I'm interpreting that your opinion confirms as much. I have some other suspicions too but I'd rather keep everyone blind so they don't stall somewhere just because I pointed something out. Thanks for your cents and for replying so quick, damn!

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:47 am

I really liked this, actually, and I know we sort of talked about this theme before, but I think you had the stream of consciousness nicely controlled.

I agree the imagery is a bit too dense. I say dense and not "too much" because some of those images are perfect for what you're trying to convey (particularly since we seem to be dealing with a guy who has quite a bit of knowledge still sloshing around his brain), and while the others do fit thematically, they're distracting from your best ones. It's different from being over-written, which would be a more out-of-character, self-indulgent style of writing. This isn't that.

What I think you should think about is choosing which are your best ones and making sure those shine through the strongest. So don't tone down the images themselves, lower the quantity and find out where a simpler phrasing would carry more punch.

Example in the spoiler if you want it.

Spoiler:
He clung to the hope and the faulty logic and waited for the ultimate recollection. And waited. And waited some more. Words arrived in his senselessness.

vs

He clung to the hope and the faulty logic and waited.for the ultimate recollection. And waited. And waited some more. Words arrived in his senselessness.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Sawtooth » Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:29 pm

Thank you. You're absolutely right in my opinion. Your immediate distinction between "dense" and "too much" is very useful, I'll keep that in mind whenever I write. I'll see how I can apply this next week, so watch for it.

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Spike » Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:46 pm

I've got an idea, expect to see it sometime this week.

Tsu will enjoy it, I'm sure.

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