52 Week Project Discussion Thread

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:03 pm

Same here. Once I get off the painkillers, I'll be sure to post it up. Need to work around the foggy mind deal right now though.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:37 pm

Okay Seb, this is what I want you to do.

Go back to week 1. Go read what you wrote there.
Then compare to what you wrote now for week 9.

See a difference?
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:30 pm

Ummm...Man I'm so damn tired/sick right now, can I just get the straight details? Is this good or bad?

sorry either way, because I feel like what I wrote doesn't make much sense.

Is this necessary now or can I do that tomorrow?
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:45 pm

No no, sorry, I wasn't clear.

Do this when you're feeling better. You'll see some marked improvement. But, you need to go do it for yourself. It's different when you're evaluating yourself versus someone else evaluating you. You need to do both for maximum growth potential.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:00 pm

Okay well I re-read my writings (not as thoroughly as I would have liked but still). I feel like as the writings progressed, it was more of discovering my premise. In my earlier writings, it felt like I was writing words for the sake of expressing my vocabulary. Now I feel like the writings are more for getting a theme or a motif or some other idea across with the more effective way. I guess I'm saying, I feel like it's progressed in maturity? I'm not sure what word would best describe it.


ummm...Comments from anyone else? lol.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Sawtooth » Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:46 pm

It was damn good in my opinion. The fluid way you tied the beginning and end with two unexpected perspectives on the same thing was pulled off nicely. I also recall liking how you made the metaphorical jump to connect rain with aerial warfare and the natural opposite, fire. Great progression kept me reading, I think this pace worked well.

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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:55 pm

Oh and some historical background, Ira C. Eaker was a general in the US Airforce during World War II and the event Hamburg, Germany, 1945 was the demoliation of Hamburg by the Allies bombings, literally laying waste to the entire city.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Mon Feb 28, 2011 8:22 pm

Reál Midas wrote:Okay well I re-read my writings (not as thoroughly as I would have liked but still). I feel like as the writings progressed, it was more of discovering my premise. In my earlier writings, it felt like I was writing words for the sake of expressing my vocabulary. Now I feel like the writings are more for getting a theme or a motif or some other idea across with the more effective way. I guess I'm saying, I feel like it's progressed in maturity? I'm not sure what word would best describe it.


ummm...Comments from anyone else? lol.


What's happening is you're beginning to discover your voice. You're understanding how and what you use to express yourself that makes it unique to you. It takes a long time to develop a voice, and it'll change over time, but you're well on your way now. The point I'm trying to make here is that you've progressed very nicely in just nine weeks. It's writing consistently that's allowing you to grow like this, so keep at it.

As for the rest, I liked it. I think Xatu's comments were on the mark.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Mon Feb 28, 2011 8:48 pm

Well I can only say is you've been a big help Tsu, and same with everyone else who has posted a comment on it. If you think I'm not hearing you or I didn't respond, its simply because I'm too busy writing other stuff and trying to correct the mistakes you all picked out or to trying to incorporate advice that anyone has given me. It's definately been a huge help. Thanks to all.

Well I edited it after going back and re-reading it a few times. I basically just fixed up sentence struction and grammer. Nothing major.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Knyves » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:19 am

Late Knyves is Late. Just posted for the Week 8 Project.

I'm not thrilled with the dialogue, so any tips there (or anywhere!) would be greatly appreciated. Also, I did it in first person, which is new for me, so tips there would be wonderful as well!
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Tsuneo » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:30 am

Nice. Your first person work is fine, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Got a lot of "telling" rather than "showing" though. The biggest offender was the listed-line-up of the characters; telling who each of them were directly. Ideally you want to /show/ us who these people aer and their roles, not tell us directly like that. It forces you to portray them in a more interesting manner and leaves some blanks for the reader to fill in.

And to be quite honest, the only thing we really need to know about the other characters is their romantic histories. Whether they're jocks or nerds or the funny guy doesn't hold much bearing on this particular scene, so it's distracting information. What we really need to know is about the protagonist, so if I were editing this scene I'd tell you to focus more on his thoughts and perceptions rather than the hard-factual-data of every other character.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Knyves » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:42 am

Alright, I'll try and focus more on being more descriptive, rather than factual, thanks Tsu!
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Knyves » Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:06 pm

Double Post: Week 9 is up now too. I'm not sure. A lot of it felt like I was telling rather than showing again, but maybe that's just me.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Reál Midas » Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:16 pm

I liked the idea behind your Week 9. Didn't read it much else other than for plot and theme. I liked the idea, the execution was pretty good. Other than that, I have no comment on anything else about it. Good job.
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Re: 52 Week Project Discussion Thread

PostPosted by Clover » Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:02 pm

Guest writer - guy who can only write sequels!

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